Understanding your role: A child’s safety

When we are in the presence of a serious and disturbing topic, our brains instinctually filter those things out and just kind of…disconnects us from it as to dampen the mental blow. Since I’m discussing a very serious subject today regarding sexual assault, I would like you, the audience, to not just listen, but to actively fight the urge of fading and falling into the “filter” so it doesn’t get between us, ok?

It’s safe to say one of the most sensitive topics when it comes to sexual assault is children. It’s so repulsive in fact to the point where it’s never actually addressed as seriously as I’d like it to be.

There’s too many cases where it’s easily handled poorly and not taken seriously because again, our brains aren’t meant to compute these disgusting things. Our brains want us as far away from it as possible causing us to look away and let it go by unnoticed and unresolved for years.

That, in my opinion, should be something for us to improve upon, so less kids have to suffer.

According to the Dutch government, more than 119 thousand children get sexually assaulted each year and according to a CBS survey a shocking 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys between the ages of 15-17 reported being sexually assaulted. That’s almost one victim per friend group. Another survey shows that around 1 in 6 adults reported experiencing sexual assault before the age of 12. 

One last thing: the Netherlands is host to 60% of Western Europe’s Child Sexual Abuse Material AND roughly one third of the worlds total. Putting all children at risk of exploitation. 

These numbers are atrocious. Not just atrocious, horrifying. And we need to do something.

This is where you come in. The audience. Your role as a parent, neighbor, friend of the family, extended family etc, is to be wary of the signs that a child might’ve gone through or is going through something horrible. Signs like them never wanting to be alone, being vulgar with their language or exhibiting sexual behavior at a young age.

Being someone children feel they can approach if they need to talk most definitely is a step in the right direction. 

Did you know that 9 times out of 10 the culprit is someone known to the victim, and 1 in 6 offenders is another kid according to government studies. Meaning most of the time it’s not some stranger jumping out of the bushes preying on children. So when a kid comes to you and says their grandpa, aunt, father, teacher, friend or just anyone they’re close with, touched them inappropriately, you should absolutely NOT say: ”they would never do that, I know them, you don’t know what you’re talking about, you misunderstood the situation” or anything like that.

Dismissing, shaming, belittling or not taking a kid seriously are the easiest ways for them to feel disheartened and never speak up when it’s crucial that they do. 

The most important thing is to educate your children on what is and what isn’t appropriate. This way you make sure they aren’t ignorant to it and know that it’s completely safe to speak up. Making for a more safe environment and eventually less victims.

Having said all that, will we 100% eliminate the possibility of a child getting abused? No. That is sadly not realistic.

But being someone who strives towards a more educated and safer society, is already making sure less children are in danger…that person can be you! And you can make sure that adults like me who still suffer from these things that happened to us as young kids, are able to live our lives without being haunted by our abusers.